I've haven't written much and I disappeared off the internet. Where have I been? Why did I leave? Let's start with why I'm writing this post.
The Billfold is shutting down in a week and I'm gutted. It was my happy safe place on the internet. I was open about money and my life in a way I'm not with people in person. It was the one website I checked multiple times a day just for the comments.
It was a refuge from the upheaval in the world. But on some level we all saw it coming. The Toast and Rookie Mag shut down. The Awl network is no more. Buzzfeed and Panoply laid off entire departments. Traditional magazines are closing left and right. Some tinie tiny part of me knew this could happen. Even knowing that it could happen I was not ready for the news.
I grew up with The Billfold. When I started reading the site I was freelancing in theater full time. I was fresh out of college. Everything was so uncertain and I had a bunch of debt. Now I'm in a stable full time job with benefits and almost debt free. My life changed dramatically. I learned about money without shame. I got to feel confident in my choices even if it didn't fit the internet checklist. I learned how to budget and run my own business. I learned empathy for other people's money choices. I grew up.
Why am I coming back?
am looking for a permanent home. A place that's mine and not subject to the whims of so many others. Nicole Dieker of The Billfold talked a long time ago about putting her writing on her website because she owned it. She didn't want to continue renting a room somewhere else. That's how I feel right now. I want to post more often on my personal website, a place where I dictate and establish the rules. In my personal life I'm looking for a permanent home that belongs to me. I'd like to buy property in the next few years and really build a community for myself. I want to "settle down." I spent the last six years jumping from gig to gig, place to place. I never settled anywhere. Now it's time to settle.
I've been considering doing weekly blog posts. Nicole Dieker has been doing daily posts on her website in addition to full time writing work. If she carve out an extra 6 hours a week to write, I can carve out an hour a week to write and create.
Because The Billfold is shutting down. The Billfold was my home online. It's the first place I pitched articles. The first place I checked in the morning. The only place I read comments. In a day of huge change, why not start today.
*I moved some older blog posts to this website.